Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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