His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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