hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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