Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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