Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
