so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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