1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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