I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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