her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
