Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
