If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You've changed since you got that strap on
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
