So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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