saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I look better un-naked...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
