I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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