I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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