I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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