The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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