if i can run in heels then i can drive
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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