I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize