dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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