Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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