Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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