Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
