if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
