I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
