Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
