I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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