her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
