the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
