He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
