I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
