Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
