I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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