woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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