I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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