I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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