You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
