I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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