A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
