just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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