I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
