i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
