Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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