I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
