lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize