I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize