she woke up with a sticky ear
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
