finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
being pregnant is like rehab
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
