my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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