I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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