was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
