Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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