if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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