He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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