too bad you live with your parents still
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
