You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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