I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
