FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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