i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize