hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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