Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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