Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
