3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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