dude i'm inner monologue high
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
