i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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