If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
