69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
